One of the best things about running your own business is having the freedom to choose who you work with—and I think I have chosen well in selecting my partner, Melissa Dinwiddie. Melissa is a whirlwind of positive energy and such a pleasure to work with. Our weekly meetings often involve a lot of enthusiastic gesticulating, excitedly raised voices, and tangents that turn into tangible ideas of what we can do together. Another good thing about running your own business is that you get to call yourself a “Poobah”… but that is a different story.
Working with Melissa has taught me the value of a truly great partner: someone who thinks enough like you (we have similar teaching styles and goals), but is different enough that you balance each other’s strengths and weaknesses. Working with the details of the technology of online life is second nature to her where it makes me want to crawl under a rock, and she appreciates me dealing with the details of lesson structure and planning.
Currently, we are teaching a 12-week online course called “Playing Around Online” and we are having a blast. And, we are gearing up for our live fall program “Playing Around Istanbul”, which we are SO EXCITED ABOUT! You should definitely consider joining us in Istanbul. I am firmly convinced it is going to be the most awesome creativity workshop/arts immersion vacation that ever existed. That is if the world doesn’t screech to a halt when Melissa and I finally meet in person. Believe it or not, we met and (so far) work exclusively online. Thank you internets for introducing me to such a great partner!
Without further ado, I give you Melissa and her thoughts on being a Passion Pluralite, striving for imperfection, and living a creative life daily.
Melissa Dinwiddie
You talk a lot about being a “passion pluralite”. Tell us more about what that is and how it affects your work and play style.
I have come to realize that I am hard-wired to have multiple passions, not just one. Not only that, but I’m not happy unless I keep my toe in at least a few of my passions at all times.
Needless to say, that keeps me very busy!
For much of my life I fought this tendency of mine to want to follow multiple blisses. I often wished I could be happy picking one thing and focusing on that, and I even wondered if there was something wrong with me. Once I accepted and embraced that this is simply how I’m wired, I was freed up to figure out how to use my Passion Pluralite nature to my advantage.
Perhaps the most important thing I’ve learned is that I really do get to do everything, just not all at the same time. It took me into my 30s to figure that one out, but once I did, I stopped trying to run in multiple directions at once. At first, I determined to limit my focus to just two things at a time, but that wasn’t enough, so I expanded to three. Then four.
For me, about four passions at any given time feels about right: approximately the same number of major “focus areas” as burners on your typical stovetop. I think of my passions as pots on the stove, which I can rotate at will. There’s always one bubbling away on the front burner, which takes the bulk of my creative energies, but I’m happiest when I’m also keeping a few others simmering along at the same time.
That doesn’t mean I don’t get to have more than four-ish passions, just that I concentrate my energies on no more than about four at any given time. To stick with the cooking metaphor, my other interests get to hang out in the metaphorical refrigerator or pantry until I’m ready to move a current pot off the stove and bring a new one into the rotation.
I allow the rotating of the pots to occur on its own rhythm, and I find that my focus areas seem to pull strongly at me for about 3 to 9 months at a time, after which point I usually find myself compelled more strongly by another focus area.
I used to feel badly about myself for not sticking with a focus area. I love the pursuit of mastery, and for a long time I lamented that I’d never achieve the level of mastery in any one of my passions that I could be if only I would limit my focus and stick with it. However, now that I know this is my modus operandi, I enjoy the flow of it all. It’s true, I’ll never be “The Best” at any one of my passions, but I’ve decided that’s okay with me. I’d rather have the breadth of passions and expressions, plus honestly, I’d get bored!
I’ve also figured out that it’s not mastery that makes me happy, but the pursuit of it. Realizing that helped me let go of my need to “achieve greatness.”
What allowed you to set off on your creative path? Did you have a sudden revelation that things had to change or was it a gradual shift?
It was both, really. If I look back on my life, with the exception of a few dry and painful years when I was an academic, creative expression has always been part of my path. As a child I drew and painted and sang and played instruments without thinking much about it. Then at 16 I discovered dance, my first real passion. At the time I didn’t realize that I would ultimately have many passions, I just knew I was in love. When an injury forced me to stop dancing I thought my life was over, or at least the passionate part of it.
Years later I discovered my next big creative passion, calligraphy. It was a revelation that I got to have more than one passion! Then I got dance back in a different form, with ballroom and salsa dancing, which made me realize that hey, maybe there wasn’t a limit on this passion thing! Maybe I got to have as many passions as I wanted!
Later I picked up the guitar and dove into that for a bit, then discovered a real passion for singing, particularly jazz, and much later I discovered that I have a passion for writing songs.
Each of these discoveries was a revelation at the time, but they gradually revealed themselves over a period of many years. The big, sudden revelation, though, came a couple of years ago. I had let my creative passions gather dust in a corner, believing I didn’t have time for them. A major life crisis made me realize how very unhappy I was. Something cracked open for me–I refer to it as the Universe whacking me upside the head with a 2×4–and I realized that if I wanted to live the fully creative life I really, really wanted, I was going to have to make it happen. I realized that it was a choice that I, and only I, had control over.
I determined to make that fully creative life my reality, and I’ve been embarked on that journey ever since.
What did you have to give up breaking free to be you?
I had to give up a very old, ingrained idea that I had to be perfect in order to be okay. That “good enough” was never good enough. I still pursue excellence in everything I do, but I used to have a sense of desperation around being “The Best.” That’s a pretty heavy burden to carry around! What a relief to finally accept that I’ll never be “The Best” at anything except being myself! My teenage self would call me lazy, but now I feel like being myself is really the only thing worth trying to be the best at.
You say that you “strive for imperfectionism”. Why do you think that is important? Do you think you will ever complete the journey and become and imperfectionist extraordinaire?
I intentionally combine the words “striving” and “imperfection” because they seem so ridiculous together. I think it’s important, though, because perfectionism stops so many of us in our tracks. When our standards are “perfect or bust,” we end up giving up altogether.
My goal is not to just dream, but to actually create and produce (and I know I’m not alone!) In order to do that, I’ve had to let go of my perfectionist tendencies. I’ve made myself become much more interested in getting my creations out in the world than in tinkering until everything’s “perfect,” because nothing can ever be perfect!
Do you know the story of the ceramics class, where the instructor divided the class into two groups, one that would be graded solely on the quality of their pots, and the other solely on the quantity? It’s not surprising that that latter group had a lot more fun, cranking out pots, laughing and chatting, totally unconcerned about making any one pot perfect.
The really interesting thing, though, is that the highest quality pots also came out of the group that was only graded on quantity! Through the very process of making so many pots, they naturally learned what worked and what didn’t, and their pots improved. The “quality” group never had that opportunity to learn, because they were too busy laboring over the few pots they tried to make perfect.
To me, striving for imperfectionism means treating my own work like the “quantity” group in that ceramics class. Create, produce, and learn from the experience.
Becoming an imperfectionist has also helped me to accept myself as I am, rather than constantly be berating myself for not meeting up to impossible standards.
What is your #1 rule for living well when life sucks?
Do something you know gives you joy, even if you think you don’t feel like it. Also take naps. And go on walks by the Bay.
What’s the first sign you’ve overdone it?
Oooh.. anytime I feel resentment, it’s usually a clear sign that I’ve taken on too much. When I lose my normal zestful energy, that’s a good clue, too!
What is one thing you say “no” to, and why?
I used to sit on a lot of boards and committees for various nonprofit organizations I belong to. I’ve learned, however, that until my own needs are fully met — including my needs for Creative Sandbox time — giving my time away like that does not lead to happiness! So I’ve learned to say no to volunteer work, even when it makes me feel guilty!
How are you living a creative life? How are you following your evolving bliss right now?
I live a creative life by making time just about every single day to do the creative passions that give me joy. Whether it’s writing, or visual art, or making music, or creating a video, or creating a new course or offering for my business, I put feeding my creative spirit at the top of my priority list and (this is key) I make time for it. The specifics change as my blisses evolve — I might go for weeks without painting while I focus on writing, for example, and then vice versa — but I make sure to feed my soul in whatever way it is asking to be fed. That, to me, is the essence of living a creative life.
You can find Melissa on her website Living a Creative Life and check out her new program Time to Glow for women who are ready to stop putting off their passions and live the creative life of their dreams. That’s an affiliate link, by the way, my first ever, so you know I really believe in what she is doing!
And don’t forget to check out our Playing Around Istanbul workshop. The time to sign up is now!
